Why You Should Travel With Your Parents Right Now
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Its strange how you can be with your parents from your birth, and even after 45 years you learn things about them that you never knew. How is that possible that the people you practically spend the most time with are still a mystery? I believe it’s because most of your lifetime they are playing a role, as if our life was a play. They play the role of caregiver, disciplinarian, and coach. My parents always had a way of dishing out love and fear equally. But now as an adult I can understand that they really did have the best intentions and did many things that I questioned out of love and desire for my success. However as we all age we change, we become wiser, we mellow out, we let down our parenting walls and become just people. Their roles as parents are never ever done, but they do evolve. And I find that one of the best ways to reap the benefits of this evolution is to spend time with them, and for me that means traveling with them for a little family travel bonding time.
They say ‘kids say the funniest things’, but have you hung around seniors lately? I travel with each of my parents quite a lot, and last summer I took them on a trip to New Brunswick and Prince Edward Island, and every day they had me either doubled over with laughter or surprised and delighted with new little tidbits that I never knew about them.
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You’ll See the World Through Their Eyes
My parents are pretty simple people. They aren’t showy, they simply are happy growing stuff in their garden and eating what is fresh. And they eat fresh not because that’s the ‘in’ and responsible thing to do, they do that because they’ve always done that. Fancy dinners, hotels, and experiences aren’t ever anything they look for or would ever treat themselves to. They are just simple Midwesterners who come from a farming background. So I I love to take the opportunity to have them experience some luxuries that they seldom get or give to themselves. After a luxurious dinner at the Algonquin Resort one night, my mom was starting to fall asleep in the bed next to me and suddenly mumbles “All those fancy dishes coming out for dinner tonight. Now I have sugar plums dancing in my head.“ I laughed, as fancy flatware is seldom something I give thought to any longer after plenty of nights at high-end restaurants in cities all over the world.
“Do you need a different shape plate for everything?” she asks, “Round must not be ‘in’ any longer. I remember the first time I saw a square plate – it was in Singapore. And I thought – what’s this world coming to? Square plates?” I smiled as she continued; “Now you have triangles, teardrops, and rectangle plates!”
My Dad chimes into the fancy plate conversation and adds his perspective on the food, “Yes and the garnish is put all over the place on the plate. I couldn’t find my mashed potatoes! Then I found them under the scallops. I wasn’t quite sure how to attack it and no one else ordered the scallops so I couldn’t follow anyone else’s lead.”
This whole exchange made me feel like I was in a ‘Pretty Woman escargot moment’, but the senior version. Luckily my dad didn’t throw his scallops across the room onto someone else’s plate.
They Change Fast
My Mom has been mixing up words for years now; it’s part of her DNA to pronounce words incorrectly. I do blame it on age, but on this trip I noticed my Dad has now caught the word scramble disease. Instead of calling Prince Edward island PEI, he called it PIE. Not just once – but for the whole week we were on our PEI roadtrip. This is new – he didn’t used to do that. Every time I see my parents I discover these new things that have popped up – or more aptly put – seem to be deteriorating. On this trip it’s my dad’s ability to murder words. I find myself yelling in order to speak with them and repeating myself all the time as hearing is seemingly getting worse too. And only a year has gone by since I traveled with my mom to Nova Scotia, but I notice that she now limps a little more, her arthritis has worsened, and the wrinkles are deeper. She actually said to me on the trip that she was thinking of trying anti wrinkle cream, I let out a loud laugh and she looked at me stunned. I felt a little bad, but considering she’s 78 maybe she should have considered that a little earlier I thought to myself.
The changes happen quickly, and traveling with them actually is a good way for me to gauge where they are in life. When you just go visit for a weekend in their home, they seem to keep it all together more and put on their best face, or they can sort of fake it. But travel with them for 2 full weeks sharing a hotel room and you get the real picture.
See a New Side of Them
My dad doesn’t do this at home, but when traveling he talks to everyone….EVERYONE. The biker, the fisherman, the man behind the bar, the ship captain, and the guy in the hotel room next to us. I actually have to hurry him along at times. I watch in disbelief and think, THIS is my dad? Huh? Why have I never seen this side of him? He’s normally so intimidating that no one wants to talk to him – or at least that was my teenage version of him. Traveling brings out a new side to him that I seldom see and for that alone I’m grateful for getting to travel with him now later in life.
You’ll Learn Things About Yourself
I asked my mom about why dad is so social and talkative when we travel. She makes a disgusted look and says “Oh I don’t know, I guess he doesn’t want to talk w me and would rather talk to others.” I let out a laugh in disbelief. It’s strange how even though some things change; there are patterns in all human beings. Even after 55 years of marriage, we (women) still know how to somehow blame ourselves for something that most likely has nothing to do with us.
I also find that traveling with them mostly makes me think of my own mortality and aging in addition to theirs. It’s human to take experiences and try to apply them to your own situation, and when I travel with my parents it seems I do this a lot. They really are the movie trailer to what to expect as I age. It’s eye opening and it creates self-awareness that I otherwise might not have.
Check out my list of gifts for friends going traveling
It Teaches Patience
As a solo traveler most of the time, I don’t have to worry about anyone but myself. However family travel, and specifically traveling with my parents, is a real wake up call remembering that I have people traveling with me that I need to give more time and pay attention to and have patience with. Everything takes a bit longer, we go a bit slower, but in the process I see more – more of the destination and more of them.
Carpe Diem – Seize It!
In a recent pop culture event, Actor JK Simmons won an Oscar and decided to dedicate his speech to his parents. I happened to be watching this with my parents when they were visiting me in Canmore Alberta this winter.
“Call your mom, call your dad. If you’re lucky enough to have a parent or two alive on this planet, call ‘em. Don’t text. Don’t email. Call them on the phone. Tell ‘em you love ‘em, and thank them, and listen to them for as long as they want to talk to you.”
So the real reason to travel with your parents is simple – time is running out and at some point they will be gone and you will wish they were back. You will wish you took that trip with them, introduced them to new things like square plates. You will wish you knew more about them. You’ll wish you had said more to them and were nicer to them. So here’s your chance now – seize it if you can and plan that trip family trip!
I love this Sherry – it is so true. I didn’t get to travel so much with my dad. But London and New York was a great experience with him and like your dad – he would talk to everyone – except he did not speak their language. My mom and I have since my dad passed away travelled a lot together and I have to say – I learn a lot every time and keep it close to my heart.
Ahhh – language is not a barrier to talkative fathers! Great that you and your mom are out there still traveling together though!
Love this article! I agree whole-heartedly – seize the opportunity when you can to travel with your parents. I’ve traveled with my mom many times: from cross-country road trips to my first trip abroad (Florence, Italy for a long weekend). And most recently, nine days in Rome and Florence over Christmas 2013. Such a gift.
It does take patience and adaptability, but it is so worth it. I will always treasure traveling with my mom, and will miss those times together when she’s gone.
Seize the opportunities now – they’re priceless.
Knowing you Wynne – I bet you have a lot more trips planned with your mom!
Nicely written it is a must to take advantage of family travel while we can. I definitely enjoy traveling with family although sometimes there are things that can be irritating because I’m used to being solo. Sounds like you always have a good time with the family though.
I think it’s easier to get irritated with family…or maybe it’s that you just don’t feel like you have to hold it in becuase they are family! Either way – the good still outweighs challenges by far!
so enjoyed your stories about the trip with your parents. Thanks for sharing. I went to the same high school as your folks. They were a couple years ahead of me. Virgine and I were classmates. And now she’s my sister in law. Yes, we get a little quirky as we age. We went on a tour to England and Scotland about a year ago and found we could not keep up with our daughter, son in law and granddaughter. But thoroughly enjoyed the opportunity to spend that time with them. They, too, realized we were getting older and slowing down.
Dee – thanks for your comment – so nice to hear from you – another Pilger alum! Quirky is a good word…love it.
Nice that you published this today — I just booked my mom a flight to Latvia, where I’ll be meeting her in July! We’re doing a genealogy trip to Latvia, Sicily and Scotland, maybe with a bit of Iceland too.
Wow – sounds like quite the trip! I’m guessing your mom is quite a bit younger than my parents – so it sounds like she’s still really active! I can’t wait to hear how it all goes! There are definitely ups and downs – but it’s well worth it.
I loved reading this Sherry. We all need to be reminded how special our parents are. I really enjoyed seeing the pictures of your parents. They are some of the most genuine people I have ever known and always fun to be around.
Kim – I will share your kind words with my parents – thanks! Hopefully we have many more trips left to take!
I like that you wrote this without gloss. I’m sorry I can’t experience this with my parents, long gone. But maybe we’re just exercising our traveling chops so that we can enjoy some trips with our kids. Who will pay?
You better tell your kids to start saving up! I know you two have really luxury travel tastes!
So glad I found this! My dad recently turned 70 and that, plus my parents moving to a retirement community, has really brought home the fact that they’re getting older. I have so many wonderful memories of traveling with them and still hope to have many more. Reading about your travels with your parents is so encouraging (and PEI is such a wonderful place to visit)!
Yes – the Canadian Maritimes was really a perfect choice for traveling with my parents. Easy to get around, but still foreign, and super food and views! Plus it was an easy plane ride which is something to consider when I travel with my parents.
I have been traveling with my dad all my life.
Ever since i moved out (15 years ago no) we continued this tradition. This year we’ll be heading to south america for a whole month.
i wouldn’t want to miss those precious moments – especially since my dad has the same likes and dislikes and we really get along well. No major quarrels etc.
so far he is still quite young (close to 60) – so we don’t have to take things slower. I guess there will come a time when we will have to slow down a bit. Right now, it rather feels the way like I was slower 😉
That’s wonderful that you are great travel companions! Have a super trip in South America – it sounds super. My dad and I went to Argentina together – was a blast!
Wonderful post!!! Inspiring and eye-opening. I will try to plan a vacation with my parents. Haven’t been on one with them in over 15 years.
Sounds like you’ve learned (and laughed!) a lot from spending time with your parents. Parents go underappreciated a lot – thanks for the perspective 🙂
This is so true! My Dad is now gone and mom can’t travel anymore. I’m so glad we did those trips when we did. Your parents are so very much like mine. I enjoyed this post so much. Thanks!
I wish i could do this 🙂 it’s a price less opportunity and one of the unforgettable moment that you keep to your self.. i’m sure you’ll regret one day if you dont have memories like this ..
Great post!
Keep it Great ! 😉
This is great!! My parents are 72 and still love to travel themselves, but I’ve had the opportunity to be with them at different times- a trip to Ireland with my mom most recently, and with both of them to our little island in The Bahamas. They just bought into a barge boat and are in France right now! I see their aging process also, and relate to your words about their being “the movie trailer” to my own aging; also agree that we need to slow down with them and enjoy this time! Thank you for this!
Sherry–I could just see Lee and Marilyn so vividly in your writings…so miss all of the fun family get togethers. It is so awesome that you have this time with them.
Wholeheartedly agree with this article and luckily able to follow it to heart! I’ve been with both my parents to France, Portugal, Germany, Denmark & Turkey, with my mum to Iceland, Spain, Tunisia, Egypt, Greece and Belgium (and going to Morocco this June) and with my dad to Kenya (and going to Spain this December). Wouldn’t trade any of those memories for the world!
I love this so much Sherry! I really enjoy travelling with my parents, and I think you do appreciate it more as you both get older. My parents come to visit us a lot in New York, and this spring I went on a road trip with them through the Outer Hebrides and into the Scottish Highlands – I can’t remember the last time I laughed so much!
You’ll have to get them to come on one of your other trips outside of NYC so they can see different parts of the US! 🙂 Maybe South Dakota or Colorado!!
Love this article, Sherry… Thank you! Born and raised in Monroe, Michigan, my parents left the midwest right out of high school. They made a great effort, when we were young, to take us to all the nearby “obligatory” important sites whenever Dad was transferred to a new location. (That was about every three years — I was a Westinghouse brat instead of an Army brat.) Those locations were always in the U.S. After we kids were all grown up, however, my parents were transferred first to the Philippines for a year, and then to Sweden, for three more. I have never witnessed such a seachange in people! What wonderful, broadening experiences those were for them — and for us all, as their adult children. Unfortunately, Mom became wheelchair-bound shortly after Dad retired, so they were never able to travel together again. He wistfully invited each of us, his children, to travel with him, but we were by then young parents, ourselves, and couldn’t escape our responsibilities at home. I am so happy to read that you and your parents (and your beloved nieces, as well!) have had chances to share such wonderful travel experiences together… I hope to do some of that with my own adult children and grandchildren before it’s too late. My mother died five years ago, while I was at London’s Heathrow Airport, en route to her hospital room. Her last wonderful, joking, words to me from her bedside phone were, “Is that monkey still stealing the bananas from your dining room table?” (I was serving in Kenya as a missionary nurse at the time, and yes, that monkey was a thief!) Poignant, sometimes painful, moments to remember… but I am oh-so-grateful to have been able to share their travel experiences vicariously, as well as my own with them. Thank you for sharing yours!