I Will Survive
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Let’s take inventory. I’ve been in Saigon for two months now. It’s honestly been good and bad. Maybe bad is the wrong word…it’s more like “challenging.” Considering I’m a challenge junkie, one would think that I could have rolled with all of this massive change in my life a bit better, but alas…I am human.
- I met a roommate, and that ended up falling through (not off to a good start)
- I went to a huge Ball the first weekend I was here (forcing me to shop…oh darn)
- I know three people who have contracted Dengue Fever (and unfortunately, I’m living with them in the same house)
- I’m the proud owner of my own motorbike helmet (I’m a safety girl!)
- I’ve been caught in downpours while on motorbike taxis at least 8 times showing up to work dripping wet.
- I have had one ‘nice attempt’ at an American cheeseburger, a pretty good Ruben sandwich, and tons of great Asian food – and have still managed to lose weight!
- I am getting very little sleep thanks to the stress of trying to figure out answers for my life.
- I have met the heads of at least six companies here. (Networking has been a breeze in such a small expat community)
- I have had two job offers outside of teaching.
- I’ve eaten in establishments with rats running around at least 3 times. (keep in mind, these are only the ones I saw)
- I’ve had one bloody bike crash. (but did end up with a nice pedicure when the day was over)
- I have seen at least three other people crash or get hit by cars. (yes –I have insurance)
- I have one friend who was hit crossing the street – and then had his wallet stolen on top of that!
- I still don’t have a place to live!
I suppose things could be better, they could be worse; regardless, it’s definitely an adventure. At least I’m not living over a buffalo barn any longer. That is a phrase that I will take to my grave I’m sure.
It’s strange, I have really good days when I’m on the back of a motorbike and feeling on top of the world, loving the fact that I am somehow conquering all of my inhibitions and fears and tackling the unknown. Then, the next day, I hit a low, a day where I really wondered if I could make it. The mind games begin and intensify when you are solo. I wonder if I want to teach. I wonder if I can deal with all of the hardships of living in Vietnam (and there are many). I wonder if I’ve made a mistake. I wonder if there’s any way that I will be able to really stick it out.
I’m coming to the sobering realization that I not only took on a new career that I am unsure of, but I’ve moved to a foreign country where the culture is very different. There is a vast difference between traveling in a country and living in a country; I think I knew that before I came, but now I really know it. It’s no longer a simple thing to buy milk at the store. In fact, buying milk at the store can now take me all day. That last statement is probably pointless since I can’t buy milk anyway, as I don’t have a kitchen or fridge to put it in!
I honestly hate this roller coaster that I’m on; mainly because I hate to feel weak and I hate to doubt myself. Yet both of those feelings tend to creep in and send me in a downward spiral about every other day. I hate feeling distraught with no one really to talk to except my computer.
I don’t mean for this to sound gloomy, because I suppose if I really think about my time here – it has been pretty damn good. I have met some super nice people who will remain friends for life and who have taken me under their wing. These friends have graciously let me stay in her home with her family until I find a place to live. I have met friends that include me in social outings such as an opening of a new restaurant and boutique hotel and ate free sushi all night…I never complain about free sushi. So – things could be worse…much worse. I could be back in America being inundated with election coverage and bombarded with news on how our economy is crap and taking down the rest of the world with it.
Overall, I’m surviving, trying to figure out how to stand still for a while. Thanks to everyone who has weighed in on my VOTE of what to do with my Vietnam life. I have made some decisions which really incorporate all three options – they involve still teaching part time for a while, doing business/IT consulting off and on, and working on writing…none of this yields very much money – but at least it all yields freedom.
If its any consolation I’ve had the same feelings both times I lived o/seas and fully expect (dread) going through it again shortly. I had it even worse when I finally returned home. I think its just the price that has to be paid, the rite of passage we endure for the privilege of the experience. Those feeling do eventually fade and get replaced by a sense of settling a sense of greater understanding.
wow! i stumbled on your blog via some other site where you visited mami camilla, where i plan to intern. i said plan LOL but reading your blog my fears seem normal. im planning to leave my present career of 10 years and in culinary school as we speak, internshipping somewhere for 3 months (mami camilla) and remain o/seas. kinda backpack cheffing and exploring europe. hoping to find myself. what is it? midlife? LOL i dont know but i do know that i cant see my life as it remains right now. corporate 9 to 5, not very “happy” with they way it presently stands. sound familiar? LOL i’ll continue reading around here. just wanted to introduce myself
Hey there!
Its the same way I feel living in kenya…Im from brazil, and all this loopings really are anoying! It’s not easy living like this!
Well, good luck!!
Fabio – thanks for your comment! I love Kenya! I can’t imagine living there though – yet I believe there are probably many similarities to Vietnam where I live now. Yet probably a bit more dangerous than Vietnam!
I know exactly how you feel. This is my fourth trip to Vietnam and now I am here to stay. I have been living here for 9 months now…7 months in HCMC. I have a vietnamese wife and we have a 1 year old baby boy. I ended up movong here because my wife and I could not stand living apart naymore. We could not wait for the United States government to get off thier ass and decide to let my wife into the “All Great” USA. So I now find myself living halfway around the world from everything I know. But thats OK. I love my wife and son. And I also love a challenge and a change of scenery. I am teaching english here, wich I have never doen before in my life. And I really dont care for it either. But I dont have much of a choice here. Like you have said, there are alot of challenges and hardships to overcome when living here. Sometimes I get very frustrated or depressed. I have a wife and child , I dont know how you do it alone. But like you said with the internet and technology now we can stay in touch with our family and friends back home. The holidays are a little rough. I have been in Vietnam for the past 2 Christmas and Thanksgiving holidays. Oh well. It gets better with time. I live in Tan Binh District by the way. Not too far from the airport. I would like to talk with you sometime. Bye!
@Brian – thanks for your thoughts! I’ve now been here 8 months and I can say that I’m starting to have more good days than bad days here – and that’s about all you can hope for! I’m happy to meet you any time – I love meeting other Americans here as I don’t actually meet that many. I’m in District 2 now – but as you know, I”m mobile now on my motorbike, so can meet anywhere!
Sounds like your first two months have been a struggle. I’m having my own sort of struggle moving to a new city, trying to make it work, but not nearly with the same issues as this. Denge Fever! That is scary. But it’s awesome that you are trying to make it here. It’s all an adventure! What happened in the end-did you love or hate it? I see this post was written a while ago. It’s really nice reading about someone else going through the challenges of moving some place foreign. I needed it today-so thanks for sharing 🙂