Love Stinks?
This article may contain affiliate links where I make a small commission for purchases you make from links that you click from this article. By purchasing through these links, you support me at no additional cost to you. Thanks for your support.
Every year, I have a Valentine’s tradition; I wear a t-shirt that says “Love Stinks” in little pink rhinestones. It doesn’t necessarily reflect my feelings about Valentine’s Day (yet the cynical side of me thinks that Hallmark is truly evil). Instead, I find the shirt humorous. I love to see people’s reactions to it, especially within the confines of Corporate America! Since most of the corporate world has gone to casual dress, I’ve been able to wear it to work for the last five years or so. Last year I happened to have my CIO’s staff meeting that I had to attend on Valentine’s Day – I was a bit self-conscience about the shirt – but everyone just went about their business.
One person did mouth to me across the table – “nice shirt”. Since my Love Stinks shirt is in storage somewhere in the Bronx this year, I decided that at least I would honor it by writing a post using it as a title! I don’t know if this title actually goes well with this post, but what the heck? It makes me feel good about using the term. This is actually from my journal a few weeks ago when I was in Thailand. These are just some random thoughts that I started jotting down as I lay on the beach surrounded by honeymooners. I actually enjoy these moments – the ones that really make you think, the ones where you take stock in where you’ve been, where you are, and where you are going.
Ao Nang, Thailand, January 27th
I’m having one of those great days. I’m on my own now, with no travel companions…just me, the beach, my iPod, the intense sun, and my thoughts. I’m baking in the sun, thinking about how absolutely fortunate and happy I am. My thoughts wander to that of my friends; I think about the last time I saw them – so far, they are the only thing that I am really homesick for. I wondered if they were experiencing similar feelings of happiness, satisfaction, or accomplishment in their everyday lives…I hope they are.
I look around at my surroundings, I’m encircled by glistening couples – I wonder if they are as happy and satisfied as I am. Since I seldom seem to have any serious boyfriends, I wonder if this feeling of complete satisfaction and happiness that I have now is what couples feel when they’ve found the right person. Do they look happy? Do they look so happy they could burst, so satisfied with their decisions, excited about what new adventure is around the corner – similar to how I feel this year? Do they get a rush of adrenaline when they are together, similar to the adrenaline rush I get every time I land in a new country? I can’t help but wonder.
I feel like I’ve been conditioned to think that finding that ‘special someone’ is the climax of life, the eternal happiness, yet I’m not ready to drink that kool-aide just yet. In Southern Thailand I have been surrounded by couples honeymooning, it’s strange to be a solo traveler in this situation. Yet, most of the time, I feel like I’m much happier than the people that surround me.
Valentine’s day and my birthday are quickly approaching (not in that order), and I guess it always makes me stop and wonder what my path may have been like if I had worked harder at that ‘dating thing’. I haven’t seriously dated anyone for close to 5 years now, and bumping up into the upper 30s has made me wonder what my future holds and how I ended up in this position. Granted – it may have been 5 years of nothing serious, but I’ve had my share of fun, and that’s generally what I prefer – no strings, no commitments. No one ever seems to be ‘right.’ I’ve always felt that I’d rather be single than miserable in a relationship that wasn’t right.
Yet I do wonder how happy those couples are on the beach – is it really that great? Or is it just the most acceptable path? Or does it just look good on the outside – while they are dying on the inside? Sure – it would be nice to have a significant other here with me to help shoulder the burden, carry my bags, share the rough travel times with, kill bugs, and put sunscreen on my back – but would I be as happy as I am right now? Would I feel that intoxicating sense of accomplishment that I feel now – the feeling that I’ve made this happen on my own? Probably not.
I had a very good friend who once asked me if I was afraid of being alone (I was 27 and considering leaving my boyfriend of 6 1/2 years – an appropriate question to ask!). I was startled by her question, and deep down, I knew the answer was yes – and that scared the shit out of me. I didn’t want to be handcuffed by loneliness – I left him and never looked back – not once. I think I’ve been on a quest now for the last 10 years to prove that I wasn’t afraid to be alone. Without a doubt, it is one of the main reasons why I’m on this around the world journey now – I don’t want ever to be afraid of something…especially doing something on my own.
I know that this overwhelming feeling of happiness I feel is because I’m doing this – chasing my dream, doing what makes me happy on my own. This certainly doesn’t mean that I wouldn’t welcome meeting the ‘right’ person…or even Mr. Right Now (now that would be a birthday present!). But even if I met someone and they wanted to come with me on my journey, I would have to stop and really think if I wanted that.
As I continue to scan the beach dotted with couples, I don’t know if they are necessarily happier than me…or more satisfied than me. But I do know that if you do what you love and follow your dreams – good things will come. This is probably one of the happiest birthdays and Valentine’s days I’ve had – I can’t remember the last time I felt so strong and well-adjusted. My present to myself is the adventure, the rush of adrenaline coursing through my body as the wheels touch down in Borneo, and my mind thinks – I can’t believe I’m in f’ing Borneo – what a great life!
Kudos! I absolutely loved this post and couldn’t agree more; the satisfaction you’re finding in independent adventure is no less important or beautiful than the kind the rest of us saps will celebrate with cards and chocolates back home this week. In fact, some of us are quite jealous of you!
Kudos! I absolutely loved this post and couldn’t agree more; the satisfaction you’re finding in independent adventure is no less important or beautiful than the kind the rest of us saps will celebrate with cards and chocolates back home this week. In fact, some of us are quite jealous of you!
Kudos! I absolutely loved this post and couldn’t agree more; the satisfaction you’re finding in independent adventure is no less important or beautiful than the kind the rest of us saps will celebrate with cards and chocolates back home this week. In fact, some of us are quite jealous of you!
Kudos! I absolutely loved this post and couldn’t agree more; the satisfaction you’re finding in independent adventure is no less important or beautiful than the kind the rest of us saps will celebrate with cards and chocolates back home this week. In fact, some of us are quite jealous of you!
Sherry,
I abosolutely loved this post. You have done a fantastic job at putting everything into perspective. I always enjoy your posts but this one especially hit home. Thanks for your insightful discussions… I always enjoy reading your blog.
Glad to hear that things are treating you so well!!
Erin
Sherry,
I abosolutely loved this post. You have done a fantastic job at putting everything into perspective. I always enjoy your posts but this one especially hit home. Thanks for your insightful discussions… I always enjoy reading your blog.
Glad to hear that things are treating you so well!!
Erin
Sherry,
I abosolutely loved this post. You have done a fantastic job at putting everything into perspective. I always enjoy your posts but this one especially hit home. Thanks for your insightful discussions… I always enjoy reading your blog.
Glad to hear that things are treating you so well!!
Erin
Sherry,
I abosolutely loved this post. You have done a fantastic job at putting everything into perspective. I always enjoy your posts but this one especially hit home. Thanks for your insightful discussions… I always enjoy reading your blog.
Glad to hear that things are treating you so well!!
Erin
I couldn’t have said it better myself… and I’m not even in Borneo (or Thailand for that matter; south east London works as well!)!! Thanks for the post. You’re a great lady, and that’s why great things will come!
Happy Valentine 🙂
I am not sure any of those couples is happier than you and me. I mean it! People are just so much into doing “what everyone else is doing” that they don’t even question if they actually want that, enjoy that, appreciate that at all. I am single. I have been for a while now. I have had some minor flirts in the last 2 years and I think I like to keep it this way at the moment. I don’t think I would want any man to come along my travels. I enjoy it too much the way it is. Love does stink indeed 😉