McCain, Obama, and I; Cast your Vote
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I look at the presidential candidates from a far and the meltdown of the US financial markets (as well as my own net worth) and wonder to myself who in their right minds would want to be President? What are Obama and McCain thinking about in the deep, dark recesses of their brains. If you dig past the big egos that must be required to run for President, I imagine they are having this inner conversation with themselves:
“Maybe I don’t want this job after all? Why do I want the hassle? I could’ve just kept doing what I was doing and enjoy vacations with my family. I was comfortable. This Presidential job seemed life a fun idea – leader of the free world – but now I’m staring down the barrel of the Nov. 4th gun and it’s not looking like what I imagined it would be. The economy is in turmoil, and the whole world is expecting me to do amazing things to turn everything around. Maybe I should bail.”
But they don’t and I’m fascinated by that; because in some small way, it mirrors my story.
I can’t tell you how many times I’ve thought about throwing in the towel. I wonder what I’ve gotten myself into and what the hell am I doing here. Why did I give up my cushy life in NYC, why did I give up my career, why did I throw away my degrees, why did I leave my friends who know and love me, why did I choose Vietnam, why am I doing this to myself? Wouldn’t it just be easier and less turmoil to simply go back home and find a job and a boyfriend and live comfortably? God – I wish I knew the answer to that question. Why do I need this hassle? I can hardly stand the feeling of isolation that creeps over me most days and this self doubt wondering if I’ve made a huge mistake. Starting anew is never easy – and it’s that much harder when you are solo. I feel like I have no one to talk to that really knows me, and that can be a really bad vortex for your mind to stall in. I feel like I’ve been stalled in it for 3 weeks now.
I have these wild swings of decisions – one day I think “Yeah, I’ll stick it out and do this teaching thing and just accept the fact that I’m not making any money, have little free time, and that I’m smarter and more talented than what this job requires. Maybe I can overlook the fact that I don’t have the money or the time to do all of the things I originally wanted to do in SE Asia. Maybe I can also overlook the fact that I’m not real sure that I like to teach for a career and ‘babysit’ kids.”
Day two brings, “I should get back into a proper job that utilizes my experience and education. I can make some money so I can save up and then do what I want again – travel. However, should I get a corporate job here in Vietnam or go back home…why stay here if I have no social structure here? Then the BIG question, if I go back into corporate; am I selling out? That is the question that weighs on me like a ton of bricks on my chest leaving me gasping for air.”
Day three then bring the massive swing to “Maybe I should just not teach or do a corporate job and instead try to really work on my freelance writing and photography career. Work on my book proposal, publish more photography books, do some freelance portrait photography, raise money to do volunteer work, etc. I can do that here in Vietnam as it’s cheap to live while I figure things out. I would go into the red…but not as much as if I had stayed in NYC.”
I’m left having no idea what my platform is or what party I belong to any longer.
It all just gives me a giant headache and it leaves me wishing that I didn’t make things so complicated. I know there are no wrong answers – but why am I so paralyzed by this? I will say that it was much easier to follow my heart when the economy wasn’t in a nosedive and I had a savings to support me. These days, it’s much harder. Dipping my feet back into the working world, even though it is the ESL working world has left me confused as to what I want and what I should do. All I do know for sure it that I need to make a decision soon or I’m going to explode.
I wonder what would happen if I put it to an online vote on Nov. 4th – should I stay or should I go…I have a feeling I know what the outcome would be though; you all would have me stay and stick it out. Yet if my parents came from a state with a large number of electoral college votes – it may actually be a close race!
Upon second thought – I will let you all weigh in on this decision…cast your vote for what I should do on my survey in the lower left hand corner of this page…we’ll see what happens!
Hi ottsworld … keep the dream alive … continue the adventure. Doubt is normal isn’t it?. As is that horrible time while you slowly build up new friendship groups. Those are the prices we have to pay for adventure and new experiences. If it were all easy every tom, dick or jane would be doing it – but they aren’t … you are. Maybe the teaching job will lead to better paid work with less hours. Perhaps it will assist in building a network for that writing and photography career. Perhaps no decision is actually called for. Who knows … I just enjoy reading your blog and I admire someone who takes the path to a life more interesting.
In an effort to help I’ve blogged about your vote on my site backpackingteacher.wordpress.com ….perhaps we can bring a few more votes to the party.
Sherry,
I’m not voting in your poll, and here is why. I do not think you should make ANY decision whatsoever until you have been in Vietnam for 6 months. You have got to give yourself time – to make friends, to get over the culture shock, to really evaluate how you feel about teaching. Is it really teaching that’s got you down, or is it just your current teaching situation? Only time will tell….and, while waiting this out is hard, its NOT wasting time. Hang in there! Breath deeply! Look for small positives everyday – they are there. Then come visit us in Hong Kong at New Years and we can talk, talk, talk…
Hugs, Lynn
“Yeah, I’ll stick it out and do this teaching thing and just accept the fact that I’m not making any money, have little free time, and that I’m smarter and more talented than what this job requires. Maybe I can overlook the fact that I don’t have the money or the time to do all of the things I originally wanted to do in SE Asia. Maybe I can also overlook the fact that I’m not real sure that I like to teach for a career and ‘babysit’ kids.”
Option One. You obviously have a non favourable perception of what teaching is, who teachers are, and of the students themselves. Should you really become a teacher? Do the students deserve to be ‘babysat?’
” However, should I get a corporate job here in Vietnam or go back home”
Option Two. If you can get a job like that here, go fot it. This would be the best as I see others living out here. If you do find it though, please tell me where you got it from!
““Maybe I should just not teach or do a corporate job and instead try to really work on my freelance writing and photography career. Work on my book proposal, publish more photography books, do some freelance portrait photography, raise money to do volunteer work, etc. I can do that here in Vietnam as it’s cheap to live while I figure things out.”
Option Three. Remember also, HCMC is becoming one of the most expensive cities in the Asian region in which to rent and buy properties. Since inflation, things have become more expensive, around 27% is the OFFICIAL inflation rate. Do not get confused with the cheapness of Pham Ngu Lao and what it actually costs to live here, especially if you are by yourself and are looking to get out and about to socialise, which will normaly be expensive places.
Please don’t think I’m deliberately raining on your parade, and you don’t know me from Adam! I just think that you may have some hard considering to do. Vietnam is no longer a hardship posting, but it can be a difficult place when you have little money and no direction.
It is a great place though,and if you could be financially secure and happy in you work,then I’m sure you’d love it.
Good luck!
Sherry,
Take my two cents for whatever it’s worth to you. Stay for a bit – give it some time. Do your teaching thing and try to find SOMETHING you love about it every day, even if it’s just the fact that you had a non-babysitter moment for an instant. See what happens from there.
But with that said, GO FULL FORCE ON YOUR INDEPENDENT STUFF. That means that you need to make time to keep up on your blog, your photography, your business plans, the whole works.
Somtimes I think we need to be in a place that is like a springboard – that can “set us up” for the next chapter in our lives. For me, this is Taiwan. I won’t be here forever – I know that. I don’t love everything about being here. I don’t even know if I want to be a teacher – and that’s after 6 years of teaching! But for me, Taiwan is giving me so many gifts: yoga teacher training, free university courses, resume building, and time to write. These are things I value for later. I think Vietnam will be cheap, and give you the space and ability to think deeply about your questions.
Your friends are right – you don’t need an answer right now, and you needn’t look so hard for one. It will come to you if you keep getting up to make some money, and spend the rest of your time doing what is instinctual to fulfilling your happiness.
I hope some of that makes sense….
And if you ever need a break or a reminder, come see me in Taiwan. We’ll have some girly fun getting our hair washed and styled Taiwanese style.
Much love,
Janelle
Hi all – I think I better clarify a couple of things. I don’t intend on leaving Vietnam – at least not for a while – I will stick it out because I do know it will get better and these are the growing pains of starting a new life and settling in a bit (which is quite foreign to me after 2 yrs of vagabonding). I don’t mean to say that I think I’m too good for teaching – not at all. Hell – my grammar sucks and I have a TON to learn – so much that I’m spending hours and hours at work trying to be good at something that isn’t bringing me a lot of joy at the moment. I’m just trying to figure out if I should be utilizing my other skills – business, management, IT – so that I can have a bit more comfortable lifestyle while settling into a new culture.
Thanks for the feedback so far – I can tell this is going to be an eye opening process for me!
Sherry
hmmmm…well, I agree with many of the opinons above, that it is simply too soon to tell. It’s been less than two months which is barely scraping the surface of getting into any kind of rhythm. But I think what you may be struggling with is that you’re craving the adventure and the “looking foward to the next thing” that you had while traveling for the last couple years. Truthfully, that’s not real life – and I think it’s super important to stop and just “be” for awhile. And I think that’s all you can focus on – the fact that you ARE there. Something brought you there – and you have to trust that you will learn and grow from the experience in ways that you could never have imagined.
I do agree that there is no shame in using the skills and talents that you’ve spent years developing to make a living that is comfortable for you. You don’t have to experience Asia like a backpacker – it will not take away from your experience to have a home base and a lifestyle that makes you feel comforted.
So yes – stick it out – and see what happens. You may start to really like it – and if you don’t – you don’t have to stay. The world is your oyster and it’s a big one…you can live anywhere and do anything you want!
Love you!
I think you should give yourself some time. Most things in life are like this. New jobs, new houses, children etc.. we all question ourselves. Personally, I would give myself a set time, say 7 months or so, and see how I really feel after this time. Maybe keep a journal of your feels daily and re-read these notes after your set given time. You can then see if things improved from now to then and then make an informed, non emotional decision. It is easier said than done but I think this might be the most practical thing for you to do. In the meantime, try your best to eek out every single opportunity to embrace your little personal time there with city travels, trying to meet new people and setting some sort of routine for yourself. Try to live in the meantime, journal, give yourself some time and revisit your notes after a few months. You will get a clearier picture of how much progress you have made and them decide what you think the best course of action will be in terms of your life. Either way, you have to live for you and no one else.
Sherry, I just read your comment. Personally, I still think giving yourself the time is necessay. However, take advantage of your other skills and utilize them. I am like you in that I am constantly trying to reinvent myself so I understand your plight. Go for it! Use all your skills. Go for your book(s), make use of those networking and negotiating skills you acquired in the business world. Do your photography and get that book out. If it is meant to be, all things will work out for you. Keep dreaming, doing and make things happen.
Sherry, I know you’re not much of a golfer, so I’m not sure you’ll like this metaphor…
Most people suck at golf, or they think they suck at golf. They continually question why they play – why they keep going back for more. And then, purely by luck, they sink a 20 foot putt.
Every round of golf contains that one shot that makes you want to play another round.
Find that one shot in whatever you choose to do. Every day.
Sherry,
Remember how miserable you were in Nepal at first when you truly had no English speaking contacts? Give it some time before you make a decision. Things will turn around for you.
Whatever you decide to do, make sure it’s not made from a position of fear and panic. You would inevitably regret any decision made from that mindset.
If you truly do want to get back into a career that utilizes your experience and education as well as teaching/helping others, you may find this idea useful. I am currently in IT like you were in your former corporate life. My company decided to outsource some work, and we interviewed a firm located in HCMC. During the interview I had the idea that what they truly needed (their English was terrible and my Vietnamese was worse we really could not understand one another) was a liaison who could do the specs and deal with the clients for them and to teach them the language of business which is very different than learning how to buy an umbrella or order a beer.
We have faith in you, and as always look forward to following whatever path you choose 😉
Brian and Amy
Based on your voting options – #2 couldn’t happen without #1 and #3 could never influence #1 or #2. So you need to stick with #1 (Continue teaching ESL under contract for a year, little $ and little free time) because that will create the experience, stories and images for #2 (Work on my writing and photography freelance career, very little $ and tons of free time).
If you went with #3 (Find a corporate position in Vietnam, $$$ but little free time) you might as well be in NY.
Enough said 🙂
Once again – thanks everyone for your comments – I have been thinking about them all week. Some really to resonate with me. A few thoughts though…Connie – I can’t believe that you used a golf analogy for me…I sucked at golf!! JK – thanks!
Michaela – the one thing that I’m sure of is that even if I did take a corp. job here that this place is FAR from NYC…there is so much culture and craziness here that is vastly different from the western world…I know that I would have a cultural experience either way.
I do agree with all of you though…patience is required. Yet I’ve never been a patient person – curses. I’ve been here now for 2 months – I can hardly believe it!
Thanks for all of the great feedback to make me think and provide me perspective! No decisions yet – but am starting to sort it out.
Cheers,
Sherry
After finding your photography today and the glowing reviews on the Circle Book (which is crazy good)…I say go for your passion!!! You have an amazing eye that I think few people have.
Piper 🙂
Hi Sherry
We just arrived home from Milwaukee….Audra was sharing parts of your e-mail with me. I think you can have the best of all worlds. Your patience is far greater than you give yourself credit. You have a guardian angel nudging you and protecting you. Your smile is one of your greatest strengths. What good reading are you doing…Teaching is always the hardest job. We have to study to convey our thoughts. How is your Vietnamese….What is the status of the English language. I am truly amazed at all the many clothes that are made in Viet Nam. You are always in my thoughts and prayers. The grace of God is guiding you…
Go Obama….I am more impressed every day.
Love
Linda