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As I drove the car slowly down the road getting used to all of its high-tech gadgets I noticed a truck pulled over on the side of the road. There was no one coming in the oncoming lane, so I swung out to provide the truck ample room as I passed it. For one brief second, my brain told my hand to look for the horn and give a little beep letting the truck know I was passing. Just a friendly gesture so that he didn’t pull out in front of me. In that split second, I thought about the horn, started searching for where it was, and then realized where I was. I was in America; people don’t use their horns to say, “Hey, I’m going around you, just wanted to let you know I’m here.” Instead, the horn would‘ve scared the person in the truck and left them wondering why I was such an asshole for beeping my horn at them when they had done nothing wrong.
I’ve been back in the US for 4 months and each week I still go through some sort of episode like this – where I forget where I am disgusted by television, or dumbfounded in a grocery store. The fact is that even though I only lived in Vietnam for a year, I’ve really been out of a traditional existence in the US for over 3 ½ years. It’s as if I’ve had a lobotomy; American culture is foreign. The images and sounds rattle around in my head trying to find a compartment it belongs in, but the compartment is gone – it packed up and left to make room for chopsticks, motorbikes, and ladies in pointed hats selling produce on the streets.
Since arriving back in the US, I’ve been keeping track of the areas that tend to put me on the brink of mental breakdown. When I encounter these areas, my brain can’t even fathom or understand what I’m seeing/hearing.
This one or this one…or this one? Choices
America – the land of choice. I love my freedom to choose, but when it comes to re-entry, it is overwhelming to the point of paralyzing. Take one step into the wide aisles of an American grocery store and you may be lost for a while; in a sea of choices. In Asia, I was simply happy if I could find a bag of tortilla chips. In America there’s half an aisle dedicated to tortilla chips; corn, white corn, organically grown corn, bite size, restaurant size, scoopable size – is this really necessary? There are 3 different kinds of ground beef, 8 kinds of salsa, 10 kinds of milk, and at least 25 yogurt flavors. Low fat, lite, lactose-free, gluten-free, 80% lean, no fat, no msg, – less is more when it comes to labeling. I wish we could adopt a less is more when it comes to our choices too…but that would be very un-American and would never work in this land of abundance.
Television:
I barely watched television for the last 3 ½ years. It was nice to know that I could live without it. When I arrived back I was watching a football game with my parents when the broadcast was interrupted for a special news report. Tiger Woods had been in a car accident. I thought – who cares? Then I was basically forced to watch Tiger Woods’ demise over the next days, weeks, and months to come. He became the most reported news story everywhere you looked. I imagined the news outlets to be piranhas that had been starving for the last month – it was a Tiger Woods feeding frenzy. I guess it’s really the people who are the piranhas though…Americans love this stuff; they can’t get enough. My reaction was still – who cares? Well, apparently Americans care – and so would have I a few years back.
I also noticed talk shows have all morphed into game shows in some way. It’s as if Donahue mated with Price is Right. I mean really, who wouldn’t love Ellen or Oprah – they give away thousands of dollars on their shows to audience members or people who’ve written them letters? Wow – if I could do that on my blog I’m pretty damn sure everyone would love me. Instead, I have to actually work to get people to like me based on my writing, charm, and social skills!
The Speed of America:
Everything here has to be fast. I was in a public restroom at a bookstore and found myself laughing at the hand dryer – the Xcelerator. It dries your hands super fast with a powerful blast of air. I guess you need to dry your hands super fast so that you can keep moving and shopping; slowing down is death in America. Even the mundane things in our lives are supposed to be fast. No wonder why we are all burned out.
One thing I have had a hard time getting used to is the speed of cars. They aren’t necessarily any faster than when I left America, but they are infinitely faster than cars in Vietnam. In Saigon, the average speed of a car or motorbike was about 20 mph. My brain got used to seeing a car or motorbike in the distance and calculating the time I had to maneuver in front of them and still be safe. However, after being nearly run over a few times as I was crossing the street in NYC I realized that I needed to re-train my brain on the speed of American traffic. I’ve been beeped at more than once as I stepped out to cross the street thinking I had enough time to cross, but clearly didn’t as the car was hurdling toward me at 40 mph!
Much to my friend’s disapproval, I still haven’t set up my voicemail in the US because I don’t really understand the need for it any longer. Sure, when I arrived in Vietnam I thought it was strange that no one had voicemail, but eventually that became the norm and now I see no reason for it either. If you want to leave a message, then text me…simple.
These were just some of the things that made my brain hurt upon re-entry – if you want to know how to deal with them then consider reading Lisa Lubin’s list of Re-entry Dos and Don’ts over at Briefcase to Backpack.
However even though these things give me a headache, I have to admit, my favorite thing about leaving America is this re-entry stage upon coming back. There’s no better way to see and understand your culture than by leaving it for a while. Coming back you see the familiar as exotic and the exotic as familiar.
Leave a comment and share your re-entry lobotomy experiences! What things ‘stand out’ to you when you arrive home? How long does it take you to get over the re-entry lobotomy?
Well I haven’t re-entered yet but I sure can relate to all of these when we visit Canada each year.
The super-markets especially are ENORMOUS compared to even the biggest grocery stores here in Brussels. And even though everything is big and fast in Bxl people still seem to know how to spend family time and enjoy a relaxed meal together. I can’t stand how restaurants in America rush you through your meals now.
The other thing that bothers me when I go home is I understand everything… When I’m out, I hear and understand all of the conversations around me and find it hard to block them out. Here I can tune out French and Dutch easily if I’m not focused on them.
Alison – I totally forgot to mention the restaurant speed…it drives me nuts now when people bring a check without me asking for it! I love sitting places for hours and feeling no pressure to leave – then again if you had seen my little, sad apartment in Saigon you wouldn’t have wanted to go back there either!
In addition to yours, I think we were amazed by how much space there is in the US. We took pictures of the grocery store aisles just to show how wide they were.
Coming back to Scotland, I always notice that the roads are so narrow and everyone is racing along little country roads at full speed! Scary stuff. I was suffering from culture-shock for a while when I got home, but eventually it feels like home again.
I lived in Colombia for a year. I got frustated by the fact that everybody seemed to dress the same. I couldn’t wait until I got home (UK) so that I could go shopping and have a choice – to be able to express my individualism.
The IRA bombed Manchester city centre four days before I arrived home (and hence, cut off my access to the shops I had been craving). But the worst part was that when I got home, I realised that everyone here dresses the same too.
To my surprise I came back and realized I was in a time warp when it came to fashion – somehow my 1988 high school fashions were walking around the streets of NYC and were ‘hip’?! You’re right though – the one thing about fashion (as strange as it can be sometimes) is that everyone drinks the koolaide…they all look the same relative to the culture around them.
Ha! It reminds me of the scene in the Hurt Locker. That scene sold me on the whole movie and brought me to tears. I totally could feel his confusion/anger! Did you see it?
That’s funny, Sherry. When I visited Vietnam, the motorbikes seemed to buzzing around entirely too fast. It’s all a matter of perspective. Great piece.
Great point Donna! I think it’s the large number of motorbikes and lack of any apparent rules that makes it seems faster and chaotic. However the speeds were really slow. I used to love it when I drove home late at night on my motorbike and the roads were empty and I could go 60 km per hour – the wind in my hair and no one to cut me off!
After a somewhat maddening summer in pre-EU Romania (days without hot water, frequent power cuts, etc), I came home and was taken to a new popular restaurant by a friend. I went to the bathroom and the urinals had TV screens set about 3″ from the visitor’s eyes, running bright, colorful, flashy ads. I very literally almost passed out.
I know it’s not very polite to say, but what pains me most when I return to the US is always how fat, whiney and obsessed with “stuff” people are. Everything is supersized – the stores, the cars, the houses, the waistlines. Maybe I just spend too much time in countries where the average family lives in a house about the size of a good master bath in the US. Where people eat less food and have less stuff than the average American throws away each week.
Ah….all so true. I find it so funny…no matter what aisle you chose in the grocery store – there is now comedy for all of us. Just listing the types/varieties of chips, or yogurt, or toothpaste, or ANYTHING for that matter…is insane…and borders on funny and oh so sad, at the same time. Thanks for the plug!! Hope to see you soon!
Lisa
You are certainly right, Americans are loud. For some reason the loudness cultural trait must be pretty deep rooted inside of me because I didn’t notice that as much when I came back this time. Or maybe I”m just getting old and losing my hearing!!
I can so relate. Even after my 3 short months in Germany, coming back to Canada was good and bad. I love my home and native land but I grew annoyed at certain things. I found the grocery store of real annoyance. I hated that I couldn’t get my wine right there and had to go to the lcbo. Also, the public transport system here (not that I take it) leaves much to be desired. After getting around by train and tram for 3 months I did not in any way shape or form miss my car. I prefer a lot of the German way of life and wish I was back there to enjoy it. Of course, things are not perfect there but for some reason, I really connected with that country and the people. I feel that I left a bit of my soul there once I boarded that plane.
I also thought of the grocery Hurt Locker scene as I read this article. Very powerful; I think many of us travelers can identify with this scene. There are so many broader themes that can be drawn from that in regard to our culture!
Also, I appreciate you do not use the term “culture shock”. Just one of my little irks when that term is thrown around to describe any type of cultural realization, when in reality culture shock is essentially a type of depression. Dealing with reentry difficulties is normal and does not necessarily mean culture shock. Loved the use of “reentry lobotomy” to describe what you’re experiencing. Clever! 😉
Lastly, this reminds me of my favorite travel quote and one in which I’m sure many of us identify with:
“In a sense, it is the coming back, the return, which gives meaning to the going forth. We really don’t know where we’ve been until we come back to where we were – only where we were may not be as it was because of who we’ve become, which, after all, is why we left.” -Northern Exposure
I agree Sherry. In some ways I feel at home when I come back for a visit because everything on the surface is familiar. But, when I get into the day-today grind, I really start to notice the differences.
We have to get away to make us question all those things that we assumed were right and proper – and then we see them for what they are, just habits and traditions and reflections of a culture – an then we realise there’s not just one way of doing anything.
Sherry, you are SO on the money. As you know, I’m in Mexico now and I know I’ll experience the same things upon returning. What has happened to our society is sad, if not shameful. Here, I spend hours in casual conversation with locals, haven’t watched TV for three weeks, and it is a much better life. With all of our “amenities” in the U.S., we’ve managed to lower the quality of life.
So glad you are enjoying your slow travels thru Mexico! I love you comment about lowering our quality of life. I think you’re right. In our massive quest to try to improve quality of life I think we missed the mark and went the other way.
When I visited my cousins in the UK, I realized how big everything in the US is and it gave me an appreciation for all the space. I’ll bet it sure was a big change coming back here to the fast paced craziness that is America. I guess that’s why I love living in the southern US – we’re slower:)
this is so very true. when i’ve come back from overseas, i’ve been amazed at how HUGE things are here – people, houses, cars, trucks, meals, drinks. it is crazy. and what is even crazier is that we re-acclimate to this ourselves!! excellent article.
Wow, an amazing post! Everything you said was exactly how I felt after returning to the states from Vietnam after a 1 month visit to my husband’s family. Life felt so simple, not rushed, and simply enjoyable compared to our rat race, with an amazing amount of everything here. I so loved the no need for TV while in Vietnam. I felt a new level of relaxation.
I was also stunned my ability to adapt. Getting used to sitting on the floor, my family did not have much furniture in Vietnam. And that felt normal once I got home and my family actually sat on the sofa and chairs. The air condition that wasn’t necessary in Vietnam but felt as if we are dying here without it.
My heart is in that country. I look forward to the day when I can move there for the long term! It is a way of life that I can’t wait to experience.
I hope you do get to go live there someday. However I will say that living there is way different than traveling thru. My first 4 to 5 months were beyond challenging – however I grew to adjust and love it! Patience is key as in any expat situation!
Happy Easter and Thank You for sharing your experience. For a moment, i felt the way i felt when i first landed in New York. You do have a talent in capturing moments of your life and sharing in such a say that allows the reader to be in the space. I love reading your updates.
You have inspired me to de-clutter my busy busy life and make it open & simple. Thank You again. PK
Well I haven’t re-entered yet but I sure can relate to all of these when we visit Canada each year.
The super-markets especially are ENORMOUS compared to even the biggest grocery stores here in Brussels. And even though everything is big and fast in Bxl people still seem to know how to spend family time and enjoy a relaxed meal together. I can’t stand how restaurants in America rush you through your meals now.
The other thing that bothers me when I go home is I understand everything… When I’m out, I hear and understand all of the conversations around me and find it hard to block them out. Here I can tune out French and Dutch easily if I’m not focused on them.
Alison – I totally forgot to mention the restaurant speed…it drives me nuts now when people bring a check without me asking for it! I love sitting places for hours and feeling no pressure to leave – then again if you had seen my little, sad apartment in Saigon you wouldn’t have wanted to go back there either!
In addition to yours, I think we were amazed by how much space there is in the US. We took pictures of the grocery store aisles just to show how wide they were.
Coming back to Scotland, I always notice that the roads are so narrow and everyone is racing along little country roads at full speed! Scary stuff. I was suffering from culture-shock for a while when I got home, but eventually it feels like home again.
I lived in Colombia for a year. I got frustated by the fact that everybody seemed to dress the same. I couldn’t wait until I got home (UK) so that I could go shopping and have a choice – to be able to express my individualism.
The IRA bombed Manchester city centre four days before I arrived home (and hence, cut off my access to the shops I had been craving). But the worst part was that when I got home, I realised that everyone here dresses the same too.
To my surprise I came back and realized I was in a time warp when it came to fashion – somehow my 1988 high school fashions were walking around the streets of NYC and were ‘hip’?! You’re right though – the one thing about fashion (as strange as it can be sometimes) is that everyone drinks the koolaide…they all look the same relative to the culture around them.
It was the grocery store that got me too. I was totally paralyzed with choice and couldn’t do anything for about five minutes.
Ha! It reminds me of the scene in the Hurt Locker. That scene sold me on the whole movie and brought me to tears. I totally could feel his confusion/anger! Did you see it?
No, I want to (even before the Oscars) will be heading on the road soon so will have to catch in on dvd sometime.
That’s funny, Sherry. When I visited Vietnam, the motorbikes seemed to buzzing around entirely too fast. It’s all a matter of perspective. Great piece.
Great point Donna! I think it’s the large number of motorbikes and lack of any apparent rules that makes it seems faster and chaotic. However the speeds were really slow. I used to love it when I drove home late at night on my motorbike and the roads were empty and I could go 60 km per hour – the wind in my hair and no one to cut me off!
After a somewhat maddening summer in pre-EU Romania (days without hot water, frequent power cuts, etc), I came home and was taken to a new popular restaurant by a friend. I went to the bathroom and the urinals had TV screens set about 3″ from the visitor’s eyes, running bright, colorful, flashy ads. I very literally almost passed out.
Also, the store had 35 types of bacon. I counted.
I know it’s not very polite to say, but what pains me most when I return to the US is always how fat, whiney and obsessed with “stuff” people are. Everything is supersized – the stores, the cars, the houses, the waistlines. Maybe I just spend too much time in countries where the average family lives in a house about the size of a good master bath in the US. Where people eat less food and have less stuff than the average American throws away each week.
I find the culture shock of coming home much worse than any potential culture shock from travelling overseas.
I wrote a piece about the Top 10 signs that you’re suffering culture shock after travelling. Check it out!
http://www.thetraveltart.com/the-top-10-signs-that-you%E2%80%99re-suffering-culture-shock-after-coming-home-from-travelling/
Ah….all so true. I find it so funny…no matter what aisle you chose in the grocery store – there is now comedy for all of us. Just listing the types/varieties of chips, or yogurt, or toothpaste, or ANYTHING for that matter…is insane…and borders on funny and oh so sad, at the same time. Thanks for the plug!! Hope to see you soon!
Lisa
The one thing I notice immediately is the volume of the US. Everything seems so much louder.
You are certainly right, Americans are loud. For some reason the loudness cultural trait must be pretty deep rooted inside of me because I didn’t notice that as much when I came back this time. Or maybe I”m just getting old and losing my hearing!!
This is so true – even if you leave for a couple of weeks you begin to realize how crazy this country is…it is the pace that gets to me. Great post!
I can so relate. Even after my 3 short months in Germany, coming back to Canada was good and bad. I love my home and native land but I grew annoyed at certain things. I found the grocery store of real annoyance. I hated that I couldn’t get my wine right there and had to go to the lcbo. Also, the public transport system here (not that I take it) leaves much to be desired. After getting around by train and tram for 3 months I did not in any way shape or form miss my car. I prefer a lot of the German way of life and wish I was back there to enjoy it. Of course, things are not perfect there but for some reason, I really connected with that country and the people. I feel that I left a bit of my soul there once I boarded that plane.
I also thought of the grocery Hurt Locker scene as I read this article. Very powerful; I think many of us travelers can identify with this scene. There are so many broader themes that can be drawn from that in regard to our culture!
Also, I appreciate you do not use the term “culture shock”. Just one of my little irks when that term is thrown around to describe any type of cultural realization, when in reality culture shock is essentially a type of depression. Dealing with reentry difficulties is normal and does not necessarily mean culture shock. Loved the use of “reentry lobotomy” to describe what you’re experiencing. Clever! 😉
Lastly, this reminds me of my favorite travel quote and one in which I’m sure many of us identify with:
“In a sense, it is the coming back, the return, which gives meaning to the going forth. We really don’t know where we’ve been until we come back to where we were – only where we were may not be as it was because of who we’ve become, which, after all, is why we left.” -Northern Exposure
never heard that quote before – it’s great! You do realize how much you’ve personally changed when you come back. Sometimes it scares me!
Great post, Sher! One of my favs. So true!
I agree Sherry. In some ways I feel at home when I come back for a visit because everything on the surface is familiar. But, when I get into the day-today grind, I really start to notice the differences.
We have to get away to make us question all those things that we assumed were right and proper – and then we see them for what they are, just habits and traditions and reflections of a culture – an then we realise there’s not just one way of doing anything.
Sherry, you are SO on the money. As you know, I’m in Mexico now and I know I’ll experience the same things upon returning. What has happened to our society is sad, if not shameful. Here, I spend hours in casual conversation with locals, haven’t watched TV for three weeks, and it is a much better life. With all of our “amenities” in the U.S., we’ve managed to lower the quality of life.
So glad you are enjoying your slow travels thru Mexico! I love you comment about lowering our quality of life. I think you’re right. In our massive quest to try to improve quality of life I think we missed the mark and went the other way.
When I visited my cousins in the UK, I realized how big everything in the US is and it gave me an appreciation for all the space. I’ll bet it sure was a big change coming back here to the fast paced craziness that is America. I guess that’s why I love living in the southern US – we’re slower:)
this is so very true. when i’ve come back from overseas, i’ve been amazed at how HUGE things are here – people, houses, cars, trucks, meals, drinks. it is crazy. and what is even crazier is that we re-acclimate to this ourselves!! excellent article.
Wow, an amazing post! Everything you said was exactly how I felt after returning to the states from Vietnam after a 1 month visit to my husband’s family. Life felt so simple, not rushed, and simply enjoyable compared to our rat race, with an amazing amount of everything here. I so loved the no need for TV while in Vietnam. I felt a new level of relaxation.
I was also stunned my ability to adapt. Getting used to sitting on the floor, my family did not have much furniture in Vietnam. And that felt normal once I got home and my family actually sat on the sofa and chairs. The air condition that wasn’t necessary in Vietnam but felt as if we are dying here without it.
My heart is in that country. I look forward to the day when I can move there for the long term! It is a way of life that I can’t wait to experience.
I hope you do get to go live there someday. However I will say that living there is way different than traveling thru. My first 4 to 5 months were beyond challenging – however I grew to adjust and love it! Patience is key as in any expat situation!
Happy Easter and Thank You for sharing your experience. For a moment, i felt the way i felt when i first landed in New York. You do have a talent in capturing moments of your life and sharing in such a say that allows the reader to be in the space. I love reading your updates.
You have inspired me to de-clutter my busy busy life and make it open & simple. Thank You again. PK