Sharing What’s Inside My Head
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I was recently told in a very heated and unpleasant discussion that I don’t share. The person wasn’t talking about sharing items as in sharing your toiletries while traveling. Instead they were talking about sharing my thoughts and feelings; in essence, opening up my life to others and sharing what goes on inside my head.
As hard as it was to hear – they were right.
After ten years of not being in any real relationships (God that hurt to even type that) and five years of traveling and living nomadically few things actually make it out of my mind and into words because there’s really no one to verbalize to. I sort of chalk it up to the fact that this is the life of a solo traveler and a very independent, single person.
You might be surprised to hear this if you have read this blog for a while. You probably feel that I share a lot of information publicly. However consider this – you only hear what I decide to share. And even that is finely crafted and controlled. The beauty of blogging and social media is that you have a delete and publish button. I decide what you hear and what you learn about me. And yes – sometimes my true thoughts are highly restricted or deleted.
Apparently I’m using a publish button in my personal relationships too. I rarely ‘publish’ anything verbally to my friends. I feel like my life is so distant from theirs that I don’t even know where to begin. So all they really get is the surface level. No one dives deep nor do I let them.
In fact lately I’ve been dealing with this huge gap in my life; the gap of what people think my life is like and what’s really going on in my head and my life. The problem with editing is that it seems to be pushing me further away from the thoughts, feelings, and conversations in my head…the ones that never come out. The ones I don’t share. The gap is becoming a crevice and days it feels like a canyon.
I desperately want to fill in the canyon, and share again, but to whom? It takes a while to undo so much that has been done. And quite frankly I wonder if I will ever be someone that gushes personal information about myself. There’s a part of me that wants to remain a mystery…until I meet the right person to share that mystery with. At 41 I’ve been waiting a long time.
One thing I miss from my pre-blogging days is my journaling. I journaled for 7 years prior to me starting to share my stories online in 2006. I realized that the journaling for me was therapeutic; it’s how I was able to process thoughts and analyze my feelings. It was my therapist in a way. However when I stared blogging, I stopped journaling as the thought of writing on paper wasn’t as appealing any longer. Plus I just had no extra time to do it when I was working so hard at putting out my blog stories. The lack of journaling has finally caught up with me I believe.
I seldom share personal thoughts and feelings on this blog; which means that I rarely share personal thoughts and feelings anywhere. I’ve been fantasizing about opening up more, starting an outlet for the more personal side of me, my life, and my thoughts on this blog. Strangely, the pieces I write which are more personalized seemed to be the ones most people are interested in. I think it’s because we all go through the same things – and people can relate. However in the past I’ve decided to not share as much on my blog since quite honestly I’m scared.
But I’ve decided to give it a go. Starting in 2012 I’m going to try to write more personal posts under the section “Life” and the category “In my head”. They may be about travel, they may be about me, my thoughts, relationships, work, my insecurities, my sex life – or lack thereof. Don’t worry – there will still be all of the same travel info that I also do, but I’m not really sure what ‘In my Head’ will take on. All I do know is that it won’t be highly edited…they will be simply what’s going on in my head.
Good for you! It’s terrifying to be transparent in such a public place as a blog, but your “experience” of traveling is what people are dying to understand – not so much a presentation of the facts. Don’t get me wrong, the facts are important too. But the “experience” is what most people will never get to live themselves, it’s what makes you human, and allows people to connect to you. I’ll look forward to your new category of posts.
Thanks Amy – it’s great to hear that. Experiences is what I LOVE to write about. I know I could never be a guide book writer for that reason! Thanks for following along!
This is a perfect example of why I have several separate blogs. I never felt very comfortable talking about my personal life on a travel blog, or about travel on a reenacting blog, or about my motorcycle on a personal blog. So, now they’re all separate blogs. When I feel like writing something personal, I write for that blog; when the travel muse pipes up, it goes on the travel blog, etc, etc. I find that it’s a system that works quite well, and though they’re separate, it helps to give people a more well-rounded view of my life.
I’ve thought about separate blogs, but the thought of taking on another separate item sends me over the edge mentally. So I figure I have this one – I might as well use it. I still plan on doing 3 post a week on travel as I always do – but now I hope to throw in some personal things periodically too. BTW – I had no idea you had a love of motorcycles…so cool!
I come here not just to read about travel and destinations but to read about YOU as you travel to destinations. I’m looking forward to getting to know you better! Cheers!
Ah, Sherry. I love to hear what is going on in your head and you will find a support group bigger than you think. Having said that, there is a difference between what is shared on a blog vs what is shared with an old friend. You don’t need to completely open up on a blog to find connections. You can simply strengthen the relationships of those already close to you by sharing your life. In any event, I think you are fabulous and hope you find the right balance.
I totally understand. For me as a veteran print journalist, I’m so used to removing the first-person element from my stories that *I* rarely make an appearance in them. And even when I do, it’s not about my thoughts or feelings, but more what I experienced along my journeys. Only recently have I begun opening up a bit about my life, my background, my family, and even then it was more about drawing attention to Travel Bloggers Give Back charity initiatives than it was about trying to make my personality a focal point of the my site. So I can totally relate, and I have the utmost respect for your decision to try to let a little more of the real you shine through. I’m sure your legion of devoted followers will support you along the way!
Ha…”Legion of devoted followers”…that made me smile. Thanks for sharing your insights Bret – I bet it is quite a change in thinking going from print to online! I would love to hear more about that!
A brave decision. I look forward to reading all about it.
I ravenously devour your every post and wait with bated breath for the next one. This one ranks among your best. I’m looking forward to the new thoughts and information you have decided to share with us because I’ve come to regard you as an old and dear friend. No doubt, it won’t be easy to set those closely held personal thoughts free. I hope and believe that it will be a truly cathartic experience for you and I, for one look even more forward to your new posts! Happy New Year, Sherry!
Thanks for your kind words Jim! It’s great to hear that someone is reading with interest! I’ll try to find a good balance with personal and travel stories – but I am looking forward to having a bit more of an outlet to be really genuine. Happy New Year to you too!!
That’s super brave of you. Don’t force yourself to share anything if you aren’t comfortable, though. If you ever just want to journal and are not digging pen and paper, there’s a good page called 750words.com that you can use as a journal. Then you can get the therapy side taken care of and it’ll be easier to process the feelings that you want to blog and share with the rest of us 🙂 Looking forward to reading more!
Emily – thanks for sharing the 750words – will def. check it out!
Great post Sherry! Even though I have only been traveling a small fraction of the time you have, I could relate. I think some of the things you mention are what led me to hit the wall recently – before I wrote that post, I found I was holding a lot of it in. As you said, I thought my friends back home wouldn’t relate and I didn’t know who else to verbalize it all to. Likewise, I realized I stopped my journal writing – I haven’t written in almost a month. I think it’s important to have that outlet for the more personal stuff that will never see the light of day on your blog. 🙂
Looking forward to reading more!
Thanks Katie! Yes – I need to pick up my journaling again for some things. But I do dream of the idea of being open and honest and not just letting it sit on paper. I will hopefully find a good balance! Glad you are enjoying Warsaw!!
I know all about being guarded and quiet. I rarely share everything as I think it’s best to keep certain things close to my chest (to avoid getting hurt). The funny thing is, I think by doing that I have hurt myself.
I’m looking forward to getting to know you better and not just through this blog. It’s a scary decision, but I think it’s an awesome one.
Oh yes – that ‘avoid getting hurt thing’ – that’s pretty much how I live my life. Change is a hard thing!
Sherry, that’s so brave. It can be incredibly isolating to travel alone…and hard to open up about the loneliness or distance because many folks don’t want to hear that it isn’t exciting adventure after adventure every day.
One of the reasons I ended my travels when I did last year (besides running out of money) was that I was getting lonely bus and plane hopping from place to place by myself. I met some wonderful people on the road (in hostels mostly) and I’m still friends with them to this day…but it can get very lonely on the road with no one who really knows you and who you have context and past experiences with. Good luck sharing! As always, I look forward to each and every post. You are my hero.
Thanks Lynn! Yes solo travel can be challenging – but I’d still have it no other way. I have found that I rely much more on social media to keep me from feeling lonely on the road. But I still find the best medicine is to keep busy and embrace the present!
I agree with Barbara, this takes courage, and congratulations. Your personal views and feelings are what will make your blog stand out from the zillions out there now. Lots of luck.
Hi Sheri. I think you’re making the right decision. I know that I pretty much ONLY write about my thoughts and feelings to the point where I’m like, oh yeah, this is a travel blog not my online journal. But honestly it has been a very rewarding process. It’s made me less ashamed of the hard things I go through and more connected to the world because, as you said, everyone goes through the same things and can relate. I look forward to hearing your stories.
Thanks Kim! It’s one of the things I love about your writing – you are capturing all of the feelings leading up to your big trip. I really wish I would have done that 5 1/2 years ago when I started this. Cheers!
Bold, but I LOVE it. I through what I guess is phases on my own blog. I’ve deleted many a posts that I thought were too personal or I delayed publishing posts if I had recently published something personal. It’s been somewhat therapeutic for me and those posts have often gotten the most comments and *shares*. Really look forward to this Sherry!
Yes – isn’t it weird that people seem to be interested in the personal side – but I do think it’s important to balance the personal with the travel information and stories. I figure you’ll never please everyone though – and I started this blog for me, not for business – and I have to remind myself of that occasionally.
A beautiful post Sherri, and I look forward to seeing your blog branch out in this new way. What I’ve loved about it so far is learning about the world through your beautiful insightful interpretations of it … which are also extensions of you, if not deeply “intimate.” You might want to check out the blogger Penelope Trunk – who interestingly lays it all out there, with sometimes borderline TMI panache. It will be interesting to see how your blog develops with this new angle!
Thanks Karen! I am familiar with Penelope – I used to read her blog when I lived in Vietnam and yes – she certainly puts it out there. I look at people like that and am in awe. Baby steps…:)
Sherry, I love this posting! I know how you feel and it is so hard to put your feelings out there for the world to see and read about. I try to do it on mine but it is not easy and I know i edit a lot.
Thanks Tammy. It always amazes me how it appears to come so easily for people to share on their websites – and I worry that people won’t think it’s a ‘travel’ blog then – but I think if I simply try to introduce it more over time it will be good for me!
You could always do a separate blog that is completely lacking personal identification…a creative outlet for the personal stuff. On the other hand, you might get more in terms of personal development out of forcing yourself to share in the open. Either way, you’re very brave to talk about it in an open forum…good on you.
Ah, must be a common problem. When I started my blog about Caribbean travel blunders, I couldn’t believe the wrath it incited in my husband. Tired of “being the butt of the jokes” (which he really wasn’t,) I was forced to think of creative ways to leave him out of some of the stories.
When I travel with people I always have to remember to ask them if they are ok if they are mentioned in my website. I forget that everyone doesn’t always like to have their travels put online!
YES! So inspiring! I struggle with this, but in order to truly learn we have to learn to open ourselves up!!!
Jill – I keep trying to tell myself that I need to open up more – but it’s really challenging when I live most of my life inside my head on my own. However this year is about trying to let a bit more out! Thanks for following along!
I thought of you when I listened to this TED talk today, and think it might speak to this: http://www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_on_vulnerability.html
Thanks Paula – I will definitely take a look! I love TED!
Thanks to everyone who has commented so far! I’ve been reading through them smiling and a bit nervous at the same time. I have to remind myself quite often of the reasons why I started this blog – and I can assure you it wasn’t to be a travel blogger or travel ‘influencer’ dishing out travel advice – it was to share my experiences…any experiences. It’s hard to balance the need of making money to stay afloat with the need to stay true to yourself. But that’s my goal. Happy New Year everyone!
I’m a huge fan of both your writing and photography – and I understand exactly where you’re coming from. For years while I was on the road I wrote the regular ‘blog-equivalent’ email to my list of subscribers (didn’t have blogs then) and while they loved the people and places I described, they really rallied when I talked about breaking into tears from loneliness in a rural African hotel or from fear when I got separated from others in a forest… the stuff that I didn’t want to admit because I was supposed to be strong, self-sufficient, independent… And bottom line, I didn’t want to bore anyone with what I saw as my own inability to cope…
When I did share I was rewarded a hundredfold, although like you, it didn’t come naturally. I’d much rather be talking about YOU than about ME… You’ve made a brave decision and you can see how everyone is behind you!
Very bold and brave