Spice Diaries – Vol 9, Sep. 1
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People often wonder how I can be away from home for so long and not miss it. I am surprised by this sometimes. Then, on a night like tonight, I realize that maybe it’s easy to be away from home because it’s easier not to deal with the realities of everyday life. Yet, every so often, those realities come face to face with me…even halfway around the world.
I have so many people asking me if you have met any men during your travels. The answer is yes, sure, I’ve met men during my travels. Some very, very nice ones. Ones that I even think are attractive, interesting, exciting, and a bit dangerous…which, as all women know…is the best combination of traits. I think to myself that, in turn, I have a lot to offer – I am a risk taker, independent, a world traveler, smart, witty, and a bit unconventional. Ok – maybe that was too light…I am very unconventional.
Yet, I’m faced with the same issues as I’ve always been faced with when it comes to men – even halfway around the world. All the men that I meet are either already ‘taken’ or are only interested in the young and sexy women for a quick fling – or the young, responsible women to settle down and have babies. Both of these scenarios pretty much suck for me. I’d like to say that I’m not bitter about this…but come on…of course I am. How can you be 37 years old, have not dated someone for 6 years, and not be a little bit bitter? At the same time – I put on a happy, positive face and say – my time will come. Overall, I really believe that I will meet someone who means the world to me and vice versa. But the waiting is really a shitty process. Instead of sitting around waiting, I go and live my life – do what I want to do – and believe that eventually – it will all work out.
Today, I was talking to the coordinator at my volunteer placement before I started my class. She was asking me some personal questions about myself. She asked about my family and if I was married. I gave her the same answer that I give everyone – “No, I’m not married.” I get the standard response back, “Why?” This, of course, frustrates me because who really wants to try to defend why they are not in a relationship? Yet, as a single woman – I am always in this position of trying to explain why I don’t have a husband or a boyfriend. Honestly – this really sucks.
It sucks to try to defend why you are alone. I get tired of it – I get angry about it – but it is a fact of life…so I go through the motions and try to explain that I simply haven’t met the right person yet. Upon hearing this explanation, the woman went on to say, “It’s such a shame because YOU should be a mother.” My heart just drops to my toes upon this statement. She goes on to say, “I get upset when I find out that smart, talented women like yourself aren’t going to be a mother. This world is losing out. ”
Now – before all of you freak out and try to tell me that I’m only 37 and I still could be a mother – stop. I really don’t think I want to be a mother – so please don’t feel sorry for me – that’s not why I’m writing about this. I’m writing about this because I thought that wrapped up in that statement about motherhood – there was a lovely compliment in there. One that I can cling to for a while and enjoy. No matter how many men my age pass me up (their loss!), I am still positive that I have a lot to offer the right ‘person’. Whether that ‘person’ is a man, my nieces, impoverished kids in India, or simply my friends – that’s fine with me.
I’m not going to pretend that being rejected by numerous men in turn for some young 20-year-old or some woman with the ‘perfect’ body, boobs, lean legs, and long hair doesn’t bother me. It absolutely does. However, it’s life. One day, when one of those men takes the time to actually get to know me and look beyond my newly formed wrinkles – then it will all work itself out.
I know this entry was a bit sloppy and unfocused – but tonight was the first time in 3 weeks that I’ve been out partying and socializing and interacting with men in a bar setting. It was a really fun night…but the old skeletons seem always to pop up. Those skeletons make me want to run…which is basically what I have been doing for the past year. For those of you out there who think this is a cry for help…it isn’t. It’s just the normal stuff that goes through the mind of a single woman in her late 30s. We all have our good days and our bad days – our days of high self-esteem and crappy self-esteem. This honestly wasn’t even a bad day…it was just a little dose of reality in my vagabond world.
Sherry, funny…this woman just put a different twist on something that I think this stint in India is helping you to recognize anyway – you are good with kids, and you enjoy it. Maybe this is going to help you figure out the answer to the question “what do I do when I return home?” I think something with children is calling to you…what do you think?
You aren’t alone in those statements. I’m 36 and in the same boat. It’s an interesting boat!
Hey Sherry,nrnrI really loved your honesty about being single and in your 30’s. There are soooo many of us in that boat. And I truly believe we are destined to meet the men of our dreams. It’s just a matter of when so hang in there. It’s the waiting which is a killer. And having been your roommate for 2 weeks in Egypt I know that you are absolutely awesome and guys will be queuing up before you know it!nrnrBut if you would like a bit of a temporary boost and to be treated like a celebrity then get your ass over to Turkey or Greece (preferably Mykonos on August!). The guys are hot and very, very friendly!!nrnrLooking forward to hearing more adventures.nrnrR
And I don’t want a guy who’s never travelled, doesn’t try new things and only goes to resorts. I think I’d rather wait. We are all too interesting to settle!
I was just talking about this with some girlfriends the other day. We couldn’t get over how many intelligent, amazing women are still “alone.” It was even more interesting to discuss this with my single guy friends in their 30s who find the search for love just as frustrating. They are the perpetually “good” guys that smart girls don’t always go for. This drives them nuts too.
An honest and engaging post, Sherry – thanks for sharing! Let me just add my two-cents as a 48-year-old married mother of two teenagers. There’s no secret formula for happiness or fulfillment. It doesn’t require a dream man or even children. It doesn’t even require a life of travel or a successful career. I truly believe the most important ingredient is just being comfortable in your own healthy skin and not caring what others think. If you begin each day with the goal of enjoying the everyday gifts presented to you THAT day, and if you set out to be a benefit to the world rather than a detriment and if you recognize that every single individual you will meet that day is a human being who makes mistakes too, then the odds will fall in your favor that THAT day will be a satisfying and fulfilling day. Then start over the next day and the next with that same plan. Some days you’ll succeed. Some you won’t. That’s life.
Take my word for it, marriage and children are not the end all and be all of a happy life. It’s just a different life. It’s satisfying and fulfilling in different ways. It is also sad and depressing in many, many ways too. There’s no such thing as a perfect life. There aren’t dream men, dream children, dream lives, etc. They’re just people and people are everywhere. And they’re just lives. Live yours as you best see fit. Enjoy what God sends your way today. Anticipate what will come tomorrow. And smile. You have a great life!
Thanks Robin – great advice for anyone and a great way to look at the world, life, and each day.
Sherry – I find you to be so inspiring. You need to see yourself as others see you – engaging, talented, intelligent, adventurous – I could go on, and we’ve never even met, lol! Remember, we’re all our own worst enemies.